Tyne Bridge's Morpeth Rant


(The Perils of Paul's Plummeting Plectrum) 

(Highly Commended at 2004 Morpeth Gathering!) 

To the tune of Blaydon Races 


We went to Morpeth Gathering 'twas April 26th

Rachel brought the garlands and Pauline brought the sticks

Everyone was there on time, all set up to clog

We even had Sue's mother there to mind the Bennetts' dog 

(chorus) OH me lads you've got to understand

If it's not the dancers then there's problems with the band.

They say that there is many a slip betwixt the lip and cup

Translated that means someone will always muck* it up 

We met behind the arches and waited 'neath the trees

To join in the procession - all set up in threes -

Fred was there with his guitar and David with his drum

Everything was going great then Paul dropped his plectrum 

(chorus) OH me lads you've got to understand ... etc.. 

He stood there with his banjo out and said "I've dropped me plec

I can't play loud without it". We all said "Blooming Heck"

We broke out of formation and started looking 'round

To try and find his plectrum that had fallen on the ground 

(chorus) OH me lads you've got to understand ... etc.. 

There was nothing on the pavement and the grass was far too long

To see if it was in there - and it had a doggy pong -

We scratted all around the place where he had been stood -

Tried praying to St Ant'nee - but it wasn't any good 

(chorus) OH me lads you've got to understand ... etc.. 

Eventually we realised the searching was in vain

The procession was about to go, so we lined up again.

Paul said "That was me favourite - the one I liked the best"

Then the bugger fetched the spare one he had hidden in his vest 

(chorus) OH me lads you've got to understand

If it's not the dancers then there's problems with the band.

They say that there is many a slip betwixt the lip and cup

Translated that means someone will always muck* it up 

© Brenda M Boyd 

May 2003 

*replace with another single syllable expletive if preferred 

© D W Bennett 2016